To the woman who’s been dismissed, discarded, or discredited

Written By Rachel Wahba-Dunkley

This blog post is for you if you're someone who hasn't been believed.

You've said something to just have it dismissed. You were told you're too sensitive. Or maybe you realize that people smile to appease you, but then don't do anything about the issue you've brought up.

A few weeks ago, I walked through the streets of nyc with tears and anger in my eyes after leaving the second urgent care office in two days, asking myself “why is it so hard for people to believe me?”  

Welcome to the “I hate advocating for myself but I have to” club, where in order to get our needs met, we need to go above and beyond. It's exhausting, but I'm determined to still feel hopeful. Lemme explain what I mean…

frizzy hair was my jam for quite a few days 😬

The last time I had strep throat, I tested negative and had 90% of the symptoms so the doctor prescribed me the proper meds anyways because she listened to me and my symptoms were enough. Yay! Now, fast forward to last week where I felt the exact same way as I did a few years ago when I had strep, and the same thing happened this time too - I tested negative and had 90% of the symptoms again, but this time the doctor didn't believe me. 

I told them in the past I've tested negative and whole shebang, but he still said it was just a sore throat. I wanted to scream, but literally couldn't, so I went to another urgent care. That doctor said the same thing. I handed them a detailed note with my history regarding strep, my symptoms, my preexisting conditions, my meds, and explained that speaking was so excruciatingly painful that I resorted to writing this very long note instead of verbalizing my concerns.

He said “I'll prescribe medication if it's strep just in case, but I think it's just a sore throat.”🙃

I wanted to scream less, because at least I got the prescription, but I was still so furious. And then I was reminded of what my therapist said recently - humanity doesn't have a great track record of believing truth. And I wanted to cry.

The sin of dismissal

Childhood memories of being dismissed. News headlines of survivors being dismissed and discredited. Whistleblowers in churches, nonprofits, and other “we do good” places. All these flooded my mind and made me feel a deep sense of sadness for humanity.

As a collective humanity, we must repent from the sin of belittling, dismissing, and discrediting others when it does not fit our narrative or plan. If I were to summarize the top reason why my clients come to me, it's for this reason - someone in their life made them feel less than and unworthy of being believed, which then started a life of overthinking, people pleasing, being used, and more.

This is why I want to scream. It's more than two male doctors (one was BIPOC btw) not believing a BIWOC. It's the trend seen in society and in some Christian spaces of just deciding to not believe someone, and the harm it causes.

But because I love Jesus and am a little petty, I refuse for this to be where my story ends. So here's what I've done in the past few days to remind myself of my worth:

I reminded myself that people with fancy degrees do not automatically get the final say and are not automatically ‘experts’

I cancelled the things that I could cancel so I could heal and properly care for myself (and also create a plan with them because I don't want my sickness to derail their plans too!)

I did things that brought me joy (and allowed me to still heal lol) like reading, looking out the window on a sunny day, and eat some delicious ice cream

I prayed, prayed, and prayed some more for my heart, the doctors, and the healthcare system in the usa

Knowing your worth

My question to you is - what people, places, and things remind you of your worth? That your words and experiences matter?

Write them down, thank those people, and share your gratitude with God. It's important that we make a regular practice of engaging with people and places that remind us of our worth. It's powerful sis.

May you know your worth, sis. In this world filled with lies from the enemy about dignity and care, may you remember your worth as a woman of color who is known, loved, and seen by a powerful, mighty God that is with you in the highs and lows of life.💜

Need more support? Lemme help you sis:

  • The Soft Place where you can journal with God without the pressure to be perfect

  • Righteous Rage Room where you can vent without getting all the spiritual bypassing comments

Rachel Wahba-Dunkley
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Embracing discomfort, not expertise, in order to find our faith